(Warning there is some mild language.)
Have you ever been in a situation where you just say how could they do this to me?
Well I have been in a situation like that my entire life it seems. I grew up with separated parents and I would visit my biological Dad every other weekend. Things were always a little rough, but when isn't that situation rough? I thought maybe as I got older things would smooth out between everyone, but actually I was quite wrong. As I got older things actually got worse. Everyone was fighting all the time, one person after another got blamed for ridiculous things, and child services even got called. After children services got called I stopped talking to my biological Dad and he stopped talking to me. I was so upset because of what he did that I physically couldn't talk to him or else I would break down. I thought that maybe my biological Dad would try and salvage any type of relationship we had left but he didn't, he just went on with his life like I wasn't there. I didn't receive any birthday wishes or cards or holiday wishes or cards from him for years.
For several years it was like radio silence between my biological Dad and I. Then one year out of nowhere we started talking again and it was around Christmas time so him, his wife, and my brothers took me Christmas shopping. The thing I remember though was that my biological Dad didn't hardly speak to me when we went shopping, it was my step-mom who was talking to me and catching up with me. But like usual something happened and we all stopped talking again for a couple years.
Last year when I moved to Fairborn, Oh and I was close distance wise to my biological Dad we started talking again. Everything was fine. I mean of course we had our ups and downs and little arguments like normal father and daughter. Then I moved to Kentucky because that is where my family was going because my step-dad who is the man I call my Dad was stationed here in Kentucky.
Shortly after we moved to Kentucky I turned 18 and if you know anything about child support that is the cut off age for it. My mom got a letter from the agency saying that my biological Dad had over paid in child support and we owe him that money back. First of all how does someone over pay for their child that they are helping support and second of all the amount was crazy. So that kind of upset my mom but she was like whatever I will pay it back and everything was fine. But it seems like once everything is fine is when things start happening.
Last night I was scrolling through facebook and I noticed my biological Dad had posted something about child support. So I started reading and it was about how he wishes that the people who owe him child support money back in over paid child support would pay him back cause they really need that money. I was going to comment on the status saying that we were working on it, but then I started reading the comments and what he said in them. One of them said that we took his money and when it came to us paying him back that it was like whatever and then another one said that if he didn't get something soon he would turn into the not so nice ex. Those comments made me mad and upset so I commented back. I told him "Wow really? We took your money from you? I thought that, that money was supposed to help get things for me, your daughter." He never responded to my comment so i sent him a message. I told him "That status you posted about the child support and us paying you back pisses me off. I am actually very upset about it and also the comments along with it. Like the one were you said we took your money and when it comes to us paying it back it's like whatever. Seriously I mean come on. We took your money? I could of sworn that money came towards to help get me things since for years I got nothing from you! I love that's how you look at it instead of looking at it as that money was helping put food my mouth, your daughter. I can't stand the way you talk about us. We don't talk about you that way. I can't do this anymore. We will pay the money back that we supposedly took from you but I don't want to talk to you anymore so just leave me alone forever. Goodbye!" All he had to say was " whatever." So I replied with " Wow really? You really must not care anymore. You're really going to complain about how your not getting paid back yet? Where do you even get the audacity to do that? How does someone over pay for their own child? And how could a father be so uncaring and unaware of how his daughter might feel about everything? How does someone who went several years without talking or even saying happy birthday or merry Christmas to their daughter have room to complain about something so ridiculous? You know I cried every birthday that you didn't say happy birthday to me. I cried when my father wouldn't even send me a damn birthday card or holiday card. I cried for years because my father gave up on his only daughter. And now you have truly shown me that you honestly don't care about me anymore because you can't even apologize cause you ego is too damn big. I have forgiven you over and over, time after time and have even taken the blame for all the things that went wrong. I thought it was me who was messing up, I thought it was me who stopped loving... you made me think that but really it was you who stopped caring.
My biological Dad never replied to me last night. I did also receive two nasty and hateful message after that from my step-mom and one of my brothers. I think what hurt me the most was the message from my brother.
Things are hectic for me right now. There is only so much drama, cruelty and hateful words a person can take and I have reached my limit right now. I am so hurt by my biological father right now that I do not want to speak or see him ever again.
We talked about how hard it is to forgive someone at church a couple weeks ago and right now I am having so much trouble with that. I have forgiven him over and over again and every time I get hurt by something he says or does or doesn't do in this case. How can someone repeatedly hurt their child after she has forgiven him every time? I just don't understand and maybe I never will.
